We love our children. But sometimes parents forget to love with the ferociousness required. We enjoy the baby snuggles, toddler giggles and tempers, and even the young child sass. Then all of a sudden, the babyhood is gone and a kid has appeared right before our very eyes!  During the early years, you can understand the ferocious love. It’s the type that you have when you imagine someone snatching your baby when your back is turned. Or when your little urchin somehow unbuckles his car-seat belt buckles (all of them!) and stands up while you are speeding down the interstate! Yeah, it’s that kind of love. Mama and Papa Bear love, well, kind of.

There is a difference though, in this type of love I describe. While there are absolutely strong emotions tied to ferocious love, there is also a quiet, calm to this love. The ferociously loving parents observe their children. They listen to what is said, and isn’t said. They ask questions that might not have answers, because the child has yet to even consider the thought. This requires full engagement on the part of the parent. Carefully paying attention to how the child is growing, changing, and becoming independent.

Independence isn’t just a happenstance. It is an education in homes with ferociously loving parents. Children are not left to learn by chance the route to respect, to responsibility, to kindness and to gratitude. The instruction provided comes directly from the parents. While it may not be exactly perfect instruction, or planned out like it is for teachers, the instruction given by ferociously loving parents is REAL. It is in the moment. It is purposeful to the needs of the child’s emotional development and self-confidence.

I desire my sons to become self-confident, independent, and respectful adults. I do not pretend to know what I am doing as a parent. Both my husband, Andrew and I, are just trying to do our best. What I do know, is what I have experienced as a child. Great parents who love ferociously. Andrew, too, continues to be enveloped by this type of love from his parents. We are fortunate to have both been raised in homes where we had boundaries, expectations, responsibilities, and appropriate consequences for our actions. Our parents required us to check in, request permission for activities, and take responsibility when we didn’t follow our parents’ expectations. Our home is no different.

When one or all of my sons say, “You are too strict!” or “None of my friend’s parents care where they are.” or “My friends think my parents are too old-fashioned!”, I respond with, “I will love you forever, FEROCIOUSLY.” It doesn’t discount my boys’ frustrations, but it reminds them that we will parent them as best we can.

Some might believe this to be extreme over-protectiveness (for sure in my eldest son’s mind), however, I prefer to consider it like a see-saw of independence. At birth we lift them way up high, carrying the weight and their life and future in our hands. As each child grows, we lower them a little closer to the ground, until that moment when we let them touch the earth for the first time and they push up all by themselves (maybe like when we let them ride alone somewhere on their bike, or when they get to buy their own items at the store, or when they have to ask a girl’s Dad permission to date his daughter). We continue to hold them, carefully watching how they handle the new freedoms. At times, we can control the height they go, the speed they go, and the amount of times they fly. And during the whole ride on the see-saw of independence, we watch and wait to see when they are ready to fly with control all by themselves. While it seems we let go of the see-saw once the child is an adult, the reality is, ferociously loving parents forever maintain a slight hold on the handle. Ferocious love.

Carrie Ruth  #shineon